What did you say in the good old days?

By: 
QUENTIN TOLBY, Lessons from the Bench

If you are under 60, turn the page; you will not understand the following.

I was awake before the cock crowed, put on my store-bought clothes, chowed down and jumped into my jalopy and headed for the court. The clerk was wearing pedal pushers and had a pageboy haircut.

She handed me a file and said, “This is a kettle of fish.”

I said, “You sound like a broken record. Could you make me a carbon copy of this before I go on the bench?”

I started to read the complaint and said, “Jumping Jehoshaphat, did you see? He was asking for the moon. It will be a cold day in hell before I give him that much.”

As she walked away, I said “You sure have a lot of moxie to come to work wearing saddle shoes.” 

She said, “You are a knucklehead and a nincompoop.”

She came back with my carbon copies. 

She said, “What did you think about the whatchamcallit in the lobby?”

I said, “I saw it, and heavens to Betsy, get rid of it.”

I continued to read the complaint and said, “Well, I will be a monkey’s uncle, I knew this guy when he was not knee high to a grasshopper. We were in like Flynn.  I cannot hear his case, not for all the tea in China. The commission on judicial would hang me out to dry. Call me a pro tem.”

I said, “See you later, alligator,” put on my fedora, grabbed my sticks and headed for my jalopy.

She said, “Hold your horses. You are not flying the coop; that case is tomorrow. Straighten up and fly right; the courtroom is full of people, gee willikers.”

What ever happened to bell bottom trousers, leisure suits, wooden nickels, Carter’s Little Liver Pills, caster oil and see you in the funny papers? Those were the good old days. But think about it, so were outhouses, wood stoves, no hot water  or refrigeration, no television or GPS, no cell phones or internet. I do not want to think about the good old days.

Lesson: Say what you mean and mean what you say.

The Glendale Star

The Glendale Star
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Glendale, AZ 85301-2436
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Peoria Times

Peoria Times
7122 N. 59th Ave
Glendale, AZ 85301-2436
Ph: (623) 842-6000
Fax: (623) 842-6013

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